today at Sunset Cliffs

this weekend marked the second in an eight-week series of high degrees, cranky denizens and general summertime blues. we are not summer people, but we live in it's natural environment. we were invited to a BBQ at a work-mate's house in Ocean Beach this afternoon which turned into a quick walk down to Sunset Cliffs for some unavoidable sand and surf action.

fuck, i'm making too much of it.

look, we rocked it to Elaine and Jason's, met up with Damien, Juan, his wife and son, and Wendy for some afternoon relaxing. we don't go down that way often - getting in and of OB is a bitch and usually makes a cranky asshole crankier and assholier. we tend to avoid it. but when we got the invite earlier in the week, i was like, "yeah, you know, let's bust it up. it's been a while."

so we kicked it in their back yard/common area for a few hours, ate some carne asada and trekked a few blocks to the beach. Sunset Cliffs is one of my favorite places to chill along the California shoreline and i completely forget about it. when we got to the staircase that led down to the coves, it dawned on me that the last time i was there, i was rolling balls. but that's a long time ago in a galaxy far far away... being jolted back to reality is your three year old (almost) jetting down said steps with a beeline for the surf. i'm glad those days are over.

we spent about 45 minutes down there, running in and out of the surf between two jettys that were maybe 35 to 40 feet apart. the waves crash in, run up the walls, splash against your legs from the side while another larger swell is rushing in on you - you're getting wet. it's unavoidable.

Reza has no fear. she jets in without a second thought and plays 'catch me if you can' with the surf as it crawls up the sand. i'm thinking, "aw shit. Ivonne has the camera and there's no way she's on Water Detail..." so i gotta man-up.

first wave: fuck you, that's cold.

second wave: fuck you, that's cold.

third wave: god dammit but Reza's too far out to be by herself so suck it up.

fourth wave: aw fuck it, have some fun.

fifth wave: woooooooo!

there were about 20 to 25 people around the same area, eight or so in the water, the rest on the rocks drying off or yelling at their dogs. i detest people who flaunt their ferocity by screaming at an animal or a child. it does not make me appreciate your strength; it only accents your classlessness. dogs are running, people are yelling, other people are wearing things they shouldn't be, still others are wearing things they know they can and i took my eye off her for a second. i turned back to see her lying face up, wave coming over her, sand and water in her face and a gasp for air.

i was maybe four steps from her, maybe less, but it felt like an eternity before i got there. she was crying and i picked her up, trying to brush the sand out of her eyes but feeling like i let her down. so many horrible thoughts ran through my head, but i had her, sopping wet and sand in her hair.

she was fine literally a minute later. the salt water burned her eyes and she had a bit of sand in there, but a few tears later and she was good as new, running up and down without a care in the world. i wasn't so fine. when she hugged me tight on the walk back to Elaine's apartment i felt especially thankful.

but between those moments exists memories that don't happen unless the clock strikes midnight first: she held my hand the rest of the time, tight as could be, sandy and cold, as we stood in the surf that crashed around our legs. "come on daddy, hold on my hand, here it comes!"

i'd look down at her and see sand in her hair, sand in her ear, her dress sopping wet and a new wave coming in. nobody was there but us.